Posted in Dose of daisy

1 Corinthians 16:13

Mood Music: Smokie Norful- Still Say Thank You

Stand Guard. Keep your faith. Be courageous. Be strong.

You’ve got this Daisy. Don’t stop now!

Self-motivation is the best motivation.  I often find myself trying to keep my head above water, but lately, I keep getting weights tied around my ankles. There are days when I  can barely float.  But, that is okay because I will one day swim. I am making sure I do not drown.

Right now I am going through life changes that are not only humbling me, but they are molding me for the biggest blessing that I will ever receive. I am ready for it.  So, just keep swimming.

Peace, love, and a Dose of Daisy.

Posted in Dose of daisy

General Admission

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Come one, come all! You are attending a Dose of Daisy.  Now let the show begin.

Siiiike!  
If you read my blog for a show I am sorry to disappoint you.  But, that is not the purpose of my blogging.  However, some people feel that my blog does give my readers a show. A close friend said “Girl quit putting ALL yo business on the internet. Everybody knows what you got going on in your personal life!”

PAUSE. It’s now time for me to break something down.

  1. I blog about my feelings and topics that grasp my attention. My feelings often grasp a vast majority of my attention because they overwhelm me.
  2.  My blog is NOT a play by play of my life.  It is just a sneak peak at a small piece of it.
  3. My blog is not meant to give you a show. My blog is meant for me to express myself in writing because sometimes being verbal takes too much work.

I have no intentions of sharing every detail of my life with the internet.  That is not me.  I am a very introvert and personal person. I plan on keeping it that way.

The only person with V.I.P. passes to my life is my Lord and Savior.  Everyone else has general admission to the nose bleeds with standing room only. That is all. Peace, love, and a Dose of Daisy.

 

Posted in Dose of daisy

Word of the Week

So…. it has been a while since I did a word of the week.  I probably should call these post “Words of the Month.”  I know my consistency has been crappy.  I am working on it though.

The word I chose for this week is PRIDE.  Something that I have way too much of apparently. Pride can be described as pleasure or satisfaction is taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself.  I have enough pride for the entire state of Texas.

Unfortunately, too much pride got me put in the shitty position that I am in now.  I am a server.  It’s always worked out for me with my chaotic school schedule.  Until about 90 days ago.  The money was slow and I was stressing about where my summer school tuition was going to come from.  I was trying to save while helping Reu when he needed it, but the tips I made were not getting the job done. I was unable to save, help Reu, and take care of my personal responsibilities.  But, I kept that to myself with hopes that everything would work out in my favor. I would struggle before asking anyone for anything that they could possibly throw in my face. So, I kept my burdens to myself. Until  my problems became bigger than me.

At this moment I could no longer have a sense of pride.  Why? I could not have a sense of pride because I needed help. So, I humbled myself a little and called my mom. It took everything out of me. I expected nothing but scolding and redirection. Yet, I received absolutely nothing.  She gave me empathy, concern, options and assistance.  She stood with me rather than against me.  I needed that. The only question she had was “Did Reuben know?” He did not. Which will be a story for tomorrows blog. I greatly appreciate her actions.

But, I have to remember there is a thing called bneing too prideful. Peace, love, and a Dose of Daisy.

Posted in Dose of daisy, heartbreak, love, pain, personal growth, relationships, transitioning, wordvomit

Dear Diary,

Mood Music: Tweet – Southern Hummingbird

I should have written the day to day progress, but I decided against that option.  It probably was not my most brilliant idea.  It caused me to stuff myself with a multitude of emotions that I could only explain individually.  I was flustered.  I was hurt.  You could have even classified me as mad, but that would be improper being that mad is only a secondary emotion.

My feelings cried due to the words that once again cut me deeper than the last time.  I thought to myself, “How do you speak so ill of someone that your suppose to love?”  It confused and enraged me. So I took a shot of venom and unleashed one of my most potent batches of word vomit via text message. I called my mom shaking and in tears because I was so upset.  The intense feeling of hatred and infuriation was a sense that was no longer familiar.  I had not dealt with it since basic training.   I had given up. I had quit. Nothing else mattered at that moment.

So, I began to mentally prepare for battle.  However, as we crossed paths between our shifts nothing was said.  The mood was somber.  We were both trying to evaluate what had taken place and what was to be done next.  So, I went to work and tried to make the best of my shitty  server shift.  Then, once my shift was over I had planned to wake Reu up and TALK.  But, when I got home the house was empty and there was a pile of storage crates on my side of the closet waiting to be filled. At this moment, I no longer had any words left to speak.

He was giving up. Now, I was not confused because I had a clear memory of my harsh words.  But, I was not expecting this.  We always had this fight.  We always debated about the same thing. We would not talk a few hours and then we would squash it.  So, I did not understand what was different this time around.  So, I called my confidine in an effort to make sense of it all. But, it stil made no sense. I decided to leave everything how he had it and prepare for my roadtrip home.

I got my luggage outand began to pack for my trip.  I refused to let anything end with out a sit down.  I was not going out like that; however, I did fallback.  I fell back to allow us time to reflect and think without distractions.  The only thing I did was sent my driving progress updates and reminded him that despite the fuckery taking place I loved him.  He is my fiancee and when I accepted his proposal it was for the long haul.  So, I refused to throw it away. However, if he wanted to throw it away I would accept his decision.  I did not want him to feel obligated to do anything.

Although, my trip was only a week.  It seemed like a lifetime. Being away from him was lonely, but it was refreshing spend time with my family.  I needed the vacation more than I thought.  Reu and me talked more and more as the trip continued and by day four we were missing one another.  But, despite our wanting for one another’s company we still needed to talk.  So, we agreed to go out and talk on Thursday after he got off work.

I was anticipating the converstion and dreading it at the same time. Due to the fact, I did not know if his attitude would change once we were back in each others presence. I was expecting our regular happy programming on my end. I was expecting for him to be a dick. But, it did not.  Reu was his typical chill self.  Instead, I was the shrew from hell.  I would try to be lovey dovey, and then have a flashback of the harsh arguments we always have.

I was up and down with my emotions.  Allowing them to stress me out more than my chaotic life I had already. I was a mess and last night at dinner that was confirmed.

As we sat at the table I became irritable.  I could not even look at him without becoming aggravated. But, we talked and tried to reach a solution. The build up of emotional strain was sky high. So, it caused us to reflect.

When were we the happiest? We are the happiest when we see our families and have external supporter, such as, our siblings. We discovered that we really do not understand each other. Perhaps we moved too quick. So, now we have to develop or solution.

What will our solution be? It is to work on ourselvves, so that, we can better our relationship.  The things that cause our problems are rooted from our night and day personalities.  He is rude.  I am entitled.  He thinks everything is a joke.  I am too uptight.

All of these things can be improved.  It just takes some time.  However, we are both willing to invest this time. So until next time… Peace, love, and a Dose of Daisy.