Posted in relationships, thoughts

Dear Diary…

Today is day 3 of the bullshit.  Today there was no arguing, no apologizing, no understanding of the situation, and no communication.  I am completely flabbergasted.  You would think he would have the decency to bring up the animosity and curiousness he possesses while we sat at the table to eat dinner together.  But, he did not.

Instead, he carried on his day coexisting, I went on coexisting, we went on coexisting like two roommates trying to stay out of each other way. I was not expecting that at all.  Yet, I shouldn’t even be shocked because I am the only one in this situationship that brings the issues to the table.  However, I am usually the one with the problem and not the cause of the problem.  So,  I should not have to bring it up first? Right?

Now, I am not saying I am perfect.  Trust me I have millions of flaws, but we all have work to do so I accept them for what they are. But, when do you have to take a step back and allow your partner to be the bigger person?  I thought today was the day, but I guess not.

Today I felt like shit as his words replayed in my head like a broken record.  I constantly reevaluated my entire being and purpose to this man because as of now I don’t feel like shit to him except for maybe a gnat.   This feeling fucking sucks.  Yet, I just want him to verbally express the bullshit he sent me via text while I was at work.   He was eager to text about it, but talking is a totally different story.

So, now what do I do.  Do I start planning to close this chapter of my blog and open a self-love segment? Or do I keep fighting? I mean how do you look at someone with adoration and endless love after basically being called a lying user? Is there a way to get over this bump? I can only hope, so.  But, the transparency in our relationship is fading and the apathy is growing rather rapidly.  These little issues are building and I am completely confused on the next step to take. But, all I know is something has to shake.

I can not calmly express that Reu’s words hurt my feelings because then I am being sensitive according to him.  But, if I confront him by fussing and cussing than I am acting bipolar. Yet if I do not address it at all then we will just continue to coexist. So, how does Daisy win with these approaches? She doesn’t that is how. Instead, she blogs and questions her true purpose in this current situationship until something happens.  But, being the bigger person is out of the question this time because she is the one hurt.  She is the one that needs comfort and healing.  She is the one that has taken off her thick layers of skin and has become a regular human.  That is not always strong and that is not alway the problem solver.  But, merely the lost soul looking for answers. Hopefully, the answers are soon found. Peace, love, and a Dose of Daisy.

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Author:

I'm just an aspiring social worker & public figure that enjoys juggling the weight of my world on my shoulders. One day I will be on Forbes list.

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