It is 2:45 AM and as I sit on the bed wondering where the hell Reuben is I am self-reflecting. Today Reuben and I got into a word exchange. It was more than a conversation, but not quite an argument or disagreement. I didn’t think too much of the interaction, but as I went to work and let it replay it pissed me the hell off.
I began to question myself, him, and where we truly stand. Hmmm… questions that still need answers as of now until I am no longer in this sensitive mindstate. But, moving forward.
Today I realized I am a quitter. I like to give up. Not only is it simple, but it is also rather refreshing. When I am over a situation, class, job, relationship, or even a conversation I will bring it to an end. But, what makes me give up so easily?
The answer is just as simple as the question. I quit because nothing is worth stressing over and creating unhappiness. I am a firm believer that the saying “Anything worth having is worth fighting for,” is pure bullshit. Fighting is tiresome and overwhelming. So, I rather just let it go. This works for me.
However, I’ve noticed me and Reuben exchange words a lot. Probably every other week. It is never the same situation, though. However, it is always the same problem. Ughhh…. We sound like a broken record and I get tired of hearing my damn self after awhile. But, eventually, we discuss the problems like civilized adults until the underlying issues resurface in a new form. It takes so much out of me.
This constant repetitive bickering is not me. It is not my character. It is not my thing. If I feel like fighting I would rather duke it out and never cross paths again. Yet, with him, I can not do that. My conscious gets to talking and then my mind starts racing. My good angel, also known as Ladybug, tells me to be rational and use words to talk like an adult. Ladybug is in it for the long hall. But, then the bad angel, known as Montana, wants me to turn on a male-bashing anthem and let Reuben fuss and fight with his own self.
However, Daisy is stuck in the middle. This is the most effort she has put into a relationship since high school. She really has no clue what is considered petty and legitimate on the relationship problem scale. She just knows something has to shake because the personal character is being evaluated and animosity is developing deeply rooted within. But, why hasn’t she quit yet?
She honestly has strongly considered it. But, she feels it is too easy. As she twirls her ring on her finger she keeps on fighting even though it is not necessarily worth it. However, Ladybug has won the internal battle again this round. So, she will pray on it. Then sleep on it because quitter can not always be her #1 describer. Peace, love, and a dose of Daisy.