There are so many words that we tend to hear on a regular basis, but often forget their meaning. At least when the time comes for us to apply them. So, every Sunday I will post a word of the week. Daisy’s weekly word for January 15, 2017 is standards. This is a word everyone should be familiar with and apply to their everyday life.
Standards is a noun often used in plural form. The primary definition of standards is a level of quality or attainment. The second definition states it is an idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model in comparative evaluations.
As humans, we often set standards that apply to different aspects of our every day lives such as work goals, personal image, fitness choices, academic progress, and dating. However, a vast majority of us have slipped up and settled when we should have been withholding our personal standards. Some of us choose to settle in the classroom or work place thinking that this will work for now until another opportunity is presented. While many of us will lower are standards and settle for someone who lacks the soul-fulfilling characteristics that we so desperately sought out to find.
Why do we choose to compromise our characteristic standards for a hook up or fling? Now, I can see compromising in the looks department because everything that looks good is not good. But, as far as characteristics go you should uphold the standards that you set for yourself.
For example, I always had the standard that I would not settle for a situationship or just “talking.” I refused to give anyone the privilege of screwing me when it was convenient, eating my groceries, and laying up in my space that was not looking to build a promising future with me. I was set on saving my chocolate diamonds for the gentleman that wanted to make me his woman/ future wife. However, I crossed paths with this sorry ass excuse for a boy (Yeah I know… he was not all that when I was screwing him. So what shoot me!). We would talk all night and go study at Denny’s in the wee hours of the night. He told me of all his distant future plans about becoming a big league architect and settling down to start a family with his future wife (that was me in the back of my mind), but he wanted to take things slow. He would constantly tell me how we had such a good thing going and hit me with the infamous line “What’s understood does not need to be explained.” Boy, did my standards slowly sneak out the back door. I became a victim of sweet nothings and ferocious pipe. Although, my conscious told me to abort the mission and do NOT compromise the standards I had set for myself. I could not help to ignore it. Boy was I naive. All my dating standards were compromised. He would hit me with that infamous line as he slid inside my walls and tell me how we were such a perfect fit (in a literal sense ONLY). Then, he would roll over and catch a couple z’s before he strolled out my dorm room at 6:00 in the morning not returning until he needed more fuel rather it come from food or sexual intercourse.
This became my routine for the entire academic year. I would come across young men that wanted to take me out on dates and court me. However, I would reject them to settle for a situationship that was a seed planted yet still not growing. Until, a day came where I was at what felt like my lowest point. My car had given out on me and I was stuck 45 minutes from my jobs living off ramen and pizza rolls stressing for a blessing. While he was somewhere texting me about how stuff was moving to fast and he was not ready for the type of commitment I yearned for over the last few months. Yeah! He left me high and dry. But, at that moment I returned to my senses.
I had to boss back up and reimplement my dating standards. I was not going to allow myself to be used again because the temporary pleasure was not worth the BS. So, I redid my list of standards and made sure to include the following:
1. Do not settle.
2.If a man is not looking to pursue a relationship at this moment keep on pushing. Do NOT settle for being an option with hope that he will change his mind.
3.Make sure he can provide for himself.
4.You are not his momma so thou shall not take care of a man that’s not your husband or child.
Once, I reapplied these standards and stuck by them I was able to get rid of temporary time fillers. Of course, I still would let young men court me. However, if they did not meet my standards or want to be on the same page I removed myself from the situation which was the smartest decision I could have made.
By setting these standards and sticking to them I was able to meet my amazing fiancé, Reuben. Not only did Reuben meet all of my standards, but he also shared similar goals. This allowing us to develop a foundation off of our dreams and desire and build as time progressed. Which got us to where we are today. Although the journey was lengthy it was well worth it and filled with lessons. Yes, there are aspects of life where settling is not detrimental and no big deal, but there are also areas where they are only you can truly decide. However, I will always think twice before lowering my standards and settling. That is all. Peace, love and a dose of Daisy.